you’d think that after over a decade (really, i started my first online blog before they were known as such as sort of a running commentary/online diary in 1998) i’d keep it up on a semi-regular basis. hell, i even have a stack of paper journals that i kept during college that were sometimes the stuff of legends. everyone knew about them, and respected them. even though one had a  stuffed bear on the cover. it was super hardcore inside of course (not).

but no, it’s almost always the thing i want to sit down and hammer out, but the last thing I remember to do before hitting the pillow. and as a quick aside, holy shit was i emo in 1998. song lyrics? shudder. i’m going to have to close that window before i take a well intentioned but ego-murdering walk down memory lane.

it’s not really as big of a personal failing when you look over the ones i know that i do have, but i wish i did it more. i like to keep track of things (the amount of love i have for my fitbit is just dumb) so it’s right up my alley. but it’s the catharthic process of pouring out a little bit of myself that i’ve had a hard time with lately. although there’s no shortage of shit i need to work out in this fashion for sure.

is it mommy insecurity? body image issues? the absolute overcommitment issues i have that both drive me and injury me? yes. it’s happy stuff too, my awesome family (kids and chris are doing mostly wonderful, everyone else too), the good life i get to lead – all of that too. it’s just locked up.

maybe if my ipad had a better interface for wordpress i’d post more, but that’s sort of a fable too, isn’t it? i just need to motivate myself, like with everything else in my life. actually commit to do the things i want to do, not just the things i have to do. maybe that’ll be part of my new years resolutions.

oh yes. one more thing i need to do. that, and get a better spam comment pluging because – holy crap. god forbid i have a real comment in there, i’d almost never see it.

I still dress up for work. I’m lucky enough to work at a place that allows it – and even encourages it. We are even bringing the kids in to trick or treat later.

I’ve got a plethora of star wars costumes (the kids are darth vader and princess leia) but decided to drag the old sith cheerleader out. I mean with my lack of con going as of late there’s no opportunities. So here I am today – having to explain to people what a Sith is.

i don’t blog a whole lot as of late. it’s hardly that i have nothing to say (when have i ever had that problem), but it’s that i’ve got a never ending dearth of things going on. this is both a good thing and a bad thing. i am most sane when i am most engaged. but the level of stress i’m having in some parts of my life (which i don’t blog about, i’m sure you can figure out which category that might be by checking my tags for this post) are really amazingly crushing. it’s taking a toll for sure and i don’t care for it.

i also have a lot of guilt surrounding these ‘crushing’ feelings. it’s a first world problem for sure. i’m very lucky to have what i have, and to do what i do. that being said, i’d love to throw it all away and be at home with my kids. just not in the cards these days.

so for the time being, i’ll continue to try not to feel bad for myself, and not self-focus as much as i have been. i feel like i’m losing touch with people and in general, and i don’t like it.

It’s actually been a while, but then again it’s been a while since I’ve posted as well.

In April a league formed literally in my backyard. Like, there’s not a closer place to skate than the place we had our first meetup, and I used to practice there all the time. It was fate. I’d looked into other leagues (DCRG moved their practices into the District proper shortly after I was unable to continue as meat with them in 2008, and it’s just too far to go) but none piqued my interest until now.

I’m skating with NOVA Roller Derby, and when I’m out there you can call me Loudoun Dirty, #37 in a row It’s amazeballs to be skating again, and with such a fantastic group of women to be sure. There’s even a video from practice last night that was just posted (Just pay no attention to elbows mcghee over here):

I’m currently skating with:

-Triple 8 Brainsaver helmet
-187 Killer Wrist/Elbow/Kneepads
-Riedell 265 Wickeds
-ATOM G-Rods are my go to wheel at the moment, but I also love my pusher combo from Heartless
-Astronuts & Gumball toe stops

I’m pretty happy with the setup – The practice surface we’ve got right now is super slippy some nights, but in generally these wheels are doing me up right. I’m happy to be back doing this, and even though I’m not at a level where I consider myself good – I’m closer than I’ve ever been before. My endurance is up, my skills are shaping up, and I’m generally pleased with my progress. I’ve got a lot of work to do – I can’t wait to do it!

Current Mood:  cheerful

to a specific place, or time, or even emotion.

today it was tied, a song by a band named Tribe (not A Tribe Called Quest which is a common question when i mention them) – they were a boston band that was wonderful and awesome, and i saw them live often in college.  there’s even a tribe track in rock band – outside – because some of the former band members work for harmonix.

but tied makes me think of one specific show that i went to, right in lowell – the city i went to college in. i went with carla, and her boyfriend rob, and some other people who i just don’t remember. we must have arrived super early, because we managed to be right at the stage. and when the band took it, they took my breath away.

the lead singer (janet lavalley) had a command of the stage – strong and sexy in a way i may not have truly seen since.  she was self confidence with a singing voice and she was right there in front of me. she was real and raw and amazing.

right next to her on keyboards was terri barous - just as beautiful as janet but in a different, more demure way. she was almost the foil to janet’s on stage persona, a quiet and almost gentle force that gave you another alternative for your female role band girl role model. she sang sometimes too, and never looked completely comfortable; it only added to her charm. between the two of them i never wanted to be a rock star so bad in my entire life as i did at that show, and never since.

the other reason this particular show is memorable to me among the other tribe shows i saw is that before the encore a fight broke out right behind me. dude wanted to get to the front of the stage and no one was having it, so he was forcing the issue. i was punched in the back, and shoved – hard – right into and onto the stage. my friend’s boyfriend came to my aid, and then climbed up on the stage to see if i was alright (as you might be able to visualize this was NOT a high stage, if i had looked straight ahead i was knee level to them). security had been slow when i stumbled on the stage, but with two of us up there they quickly escorted us out.

backstage, someone who i believe was the drummer asked me if i was alright, as he had seen the entire thing. he quickly grabbed a set list, and asked if i wanted it – perhaps the only thing he could offer at that time, and i took it thankfully like a true fan girl. i was alright after all, and getting to speak to someone who at the time (and really still now) was in one of my favorite bands i was sort of star stunned. security came over and took both rob and i to escort, and i heard the drummer tell him to bring us back to the audience as we had done nothing wrong.

security either didn’t hear him, or didn’t care. next thing we knew we were outside in the cold night air, alone with a handle-less door slammed in our face. we had been kicked out of the show.

we didn’t care. we started to laugh, and with only two or three more songs remaining we knew that we would not only see the band again in the future, but had a story to tell. i think of all the shows i’ve ever been to, that stands still as my absolute favorite.

all that from one song. i never doubt the power music has on us.

i couldn’t find the song that came up this morning, but this is sing to neptune which is among my favorite songs by tribe (which really isn’t fair because i love almost every one of them), and rescue me with terri singing too. i’m not sure if they’re on itunes, but i you ever want to hear them i have the cd’s still and am always happy to lend.