Terrible Blogger

Posted by admin | Posted in Mommy Town, Regular every day stuff, Roller Derby | Posted on 02-07-2013

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I admit – with the advent/popularity of FB and Twitter, I’m on there a whole lot more than I am here. It’s like my quick updates that I used to do here, are more suited for there. But in the process, I’ve lost touch with too many people that I met over my now 13+ year LJ/Blog experience, and I don’t really care for that.

It’s not just that though – I’ve got my family – first and foremost. Alex is heading to Kindergarden this year, which I’m still in denial about. And Zoe is getting ready to hit preschool for real. She’ll be 3 next month, and it’s blowing my mind. They’re both such little personalities – parts crazy and intellectual, caring and bossy. They keep me busy, warm my heard and drive me nuts. :)

I’ve also got roller derby – I do too much there, but that’s because I care about it a lot. I’m trying to reduce the amount that I do now that there’s a lot of able hands, and it’s working, but slow to extricate myself. I’m a team Captain (which I love but a break for a year could be nice) which means I’m also a board member, I lead the Fresh Meat (new skater) training program, and handle tickets for bout production/other events. It’s a lot to do, in addition to the helping out in other areas that I try to offer as well. I would mind less if it wasn’t another part time job to fill up too many hours of the day.

Then there’s my etsy store – I revived it at the end of last year, and have enjoyed a lot of success with it. At least from the perspective of my own personal goals. I wanted to work at least one craft show this year (I’ve done three so far, with at least one more on the horizon) and sell a decent amount a month. I’d like to – and think I could – do a lot more, but my time has been so limited, and I’d rather spend my time with my family than in my craft room.

Throughout all of this is a troubling and long lasting bout of depression that’s hung with me since the end of last year. It’s like a cloying fog that’s impacted nearly everything. I’m hoping writing about it – and writing more – will help it some. I’m also reconsidering medications, but in the past they’ve always made me rather neutral rather than happy. I’d almost rather feel something instead of nothing, so I’m still just thinking.

But in my core, I’m happy. I’m a lucky person with a lovely life. I just need to be able to stop and smell those roses and I’ll be good. I think.

Current Mood: (tired) tired

Saturday will be my first year home

Posted by admin | Posted in Mommy Town | Posted on 12-06-2013

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Honestly this has been the most challenging, oddest year of my life. I’ve learned a lot about who I am, who I’m not, and most importantly – who I want to be.

My kids are a constant wonder; even when they’re frustrating and make me want to scream, they’re amazing little things that make my  heart warm and my face smile. They’re the light of my life.

And even in the harshest light, and on the hardest days – I’ve never once said, “Oh I wish I hadn’t done this.” I call that a success.

Trading in my heels for Sneaks

Posted by admin | Posted in Mommy Town | Posted on 05-06-2012

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There is a long story that was the breaking point for this decision, but if I must be honest – my heart was never as into work as it was before having children. My goals changed, my focus shifted, and my direction was more clear. I recalled my own youth, where my mother was the mom who was on every field trip, was at every school event, and made me breakfast every morning. It was she who was there when I fell on the playground, dusted me off and sent me back on my way. And even though I have nothing but respect for the choices of working moms (being still one myself at the time of this writing), there was a hole in my heart when I watched the bond my children was building with others that were not their parents. But, staying home was a pipe dream; after all, you can’t just walk away from a 14 year career. Right?

Luckily for me, the answer was: Wrong.

We decided – jointly – that what was best for each and every one of us in our family was for me to change jobs, and focus on our children and our household. It wasn’t an easy decision; it involved lots of spreadsheets, discussion, and reflection. But in the end, the choice was clear. And after it was made, and after I owned it – really owned it – it just felt right. The kids are excited, although I’m not sure that the younger one gets it at all. Alex though – he’s thrilled. At least he thinks he is now. :P

June 15th is the last day before my big promotion. After that, I will be the President and CEO of my own domain, Queen of the household. I may get a tiara. In fact, I think that’ll be on my ever-growing list of things to do. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for us. More on THAT to follow. I’m thinking that blogging (and hopefully crafting along with it, adding to that section of this blog) will be more fruitful.

On being a Liberal and Media Elitism

Posted by admin | Posted in Regular every day stuff | Posted on 31-03-2012

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So I’m not a big fan of people accusing the media of being elitist. I think it’s subjective, and difficult to prove – not only on an article by article basis, but it’s just an easy straw man to raise when you are not in general agreement with the premise of the current tone of the country.

All that being said, someone is wrong on the internet.

It all started when one David Henderson (who I had never heard of, but my husband followed) posted an overdramatic title to an article I actually happened to agree with. The topic was Wikipedia, and how rampant editor abuse can be there. Rather than a researched article however, this was based off his personal experience. It’s on his blog, so that’s really just fine.

However, when my husband took umbredge with the hyperbolic title for what would be otherwise a good piece of information, he received this:

I admit – I get a little momma bear at times, and got into the fray. My issue here was that my husband was apparently ‘not worthy’ of an intelligent discussion with — because he doesn’t choose to put his blog/website/etc in his twitter profile. He wanted more information, and instead of some discourse (on a topic that again – we agree with this gentleman on) – he effectively got shat on. Classy.

You can look up my exchanges with him too, but it involved pointing out that he was not really communicating well, and him calling me “barely lucid”. And this isn’t even the worst of it. My husband emailed him to try to get his point across (bless his heart), and this is what he received in response.

Now, I admit it – totally biased here. But David’s response was so condescending, so laughably unprofessional, it exposed to me a little of what those who refer to the ‘media elite’ mean. And considering how much we both know about social media, the whole thing just is irony in the greatest degree.

This man managed to turn two people (again – who AGREE with his point nearly completely) from social media supporters to detractors. Why? Pretty much because he couldn’t be bothered to read what we were actually saying to him, and thinking he was clearly better than us (which in all honesty may be true, but again – that’s rather subjective for him to just toss out there as an assertion).

For some reason this brings me great amusement, because at the end of the day I know who really understands social media better. And it’s not someone who has to note that he’s got an Emmy on a twitter bio.

Update: @Jimmy_wales? Responded to husband more than willing to talk to him to clarify. That’s all he wanted, in the end. So the founder of Wikipedia is glad to converse, some random blogger gets all elitist. For those keeping score at home.

Update #2: The article in question from Wikipedia? Apparently Mr. Henderson had created his OWN Wikipage with no citations about all of his awards, and when he broke the rules that he clearly didn’t read, he got butthurt about it. NOW I get it. He’s being a petulant, over defensive kidlet.

i am a fucking terrible blogger

Posted by admin | Posted in Nostalgia, Regular every day stuff | Posted on 10-01-2012

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you’d think that after over a decade (really, i started my first online blog before they were known as such as sort of a running commentary/online diary in 1998) i’d keep it up on a semi-regular basis. hell, i even have a stack of paper journals that i kept during college that were sometimes the stuff of legends. everyone knew about them, and respected them. even though one had a  stuffed bear on the cover. it was super hardcore inside of course (not).

but no, it’s almost always the thing i want to sit down and hammer out, but the last thing I remember to do before hitting the pillow. and as a quick aside, holy shit was i emo in 1998. song lyrics? shudder. i’m going to have to close that window before i take a well intentioned but ego-murdering walk down memory lane.

it’s not really as big of a personal failing when you look over the ones i know that i do have, but i wish i did it more. i like to keep track of things (the amount of love i have for my fitbit is just dumb) so it’s right up my alley. but it’s the catharthic process of pouring out a little bit of myself that i’ve had a hard time with lately. although there’s no shortage of shit i need to work out in this fashion for sure.

is it mommy insecurity? body image issues? the absolute overcommitment issues i have that both drive me and injury me? yes. it’s happy stuff too, my awesome family (kids and chris are doing mostly wonderful, everyone else too), the good life i get to lead – all of that too. it’s just locked up.

maybe if my ipad had a better interface for wordpress i’d post more, but that’s sort of a fable too, isn’t it? i just need to motivate myself, like with everything else in my life. actually commit to do the things i want to do, not just the things i have to do. maybe that’ll be part of my new years resolutions.

oh yes. one more thing i need to do. that, and get a better spam comment pluging because – holy crap. god forbid i have a real comment in there, i’d almost never see it.